This week I tell a tale of my dear, sweet grandmother and how she loved to pass the time by playing the number. What's 'playing the number' you ask? Well, you'll have to listen to find out. Just make sure you keep it in the family.
Episode 44 - This Bud's Tattoo!
This week I tell a tale of a mystical, red-bearded weirdo who had the first tattoo I'd ever seen. After this experience my life was put on a course that would lead to hours and hours under a needle jamming ink into my skin.
Episode 43 - Confessions of a Scaredy-Cat
I love horror, but when I was a kid it scared the bejezzus out of me! I was afraid of anything the least bit related to monsters or evil, and now I can't get enough of the stuff. Love that evil! Anyway, I started thinking about the origins of this fear and tried to figure it all out in this week's story. Hail Satan!
Episode 42 - You're Not a Sheriff!
And you never will be with that attitude! We've all pissed our pants, but has someone else pissed your pants? Is it possible you just poured sewer water down your pants before going to bed? Have you ever jumped in the pool with your jeans on? Call out the Sheriff, because we've got some piss related mysteries that need to be solved!
Episode 41 - The Retainer (Sparkle, Sparkle)
I was a theater kid who participated in those long and lovely, time suck events of most weekends called Speech Tournaments. At one such tournament I was accused of skirting the rules set in place for me regarding my recent ear piercing, which resulted in my expulsion from said tournament. One of the many times I actually didn't do what I was suspected of, and therefore lost my mind over it. Enjoy!
Episode 40 - The Day I Used Up All My White Privilege
So, I narrowly avoided complete disaster yet again, but this time the reason wasn't so easily explained away. Find out my theories on just why I didn't get arrested that fateful night, and learn what you should more than likely avoid doing in your car if your sticker is expired.
Episode 39 - Zipper Meat
Since the dawn of time man has fought against a mortal enemy: The Zipper. Since we became civilized as a people we have overlooked our differences, and lived side by side with The Zipper (literally) save for a small group who went the way of the button fly, and an even smaller group who wear sweatpants exclusively. Despite this truce we've had with The Zippers they occasionally revert back to their old ways and attack reinvigorating the rivalry once again.
Episode 38 - What Do You Really Do?
You know when you get kidnapped by a limo that takes you to a bar at the beach while pouring beer down your throat, and then you take your shirt off, and after that the limo takes you a strip club where you become enamored with a stripper, and invent an entire back story for her in which she writes poetry and studies literature, and then you accidentally proposition her on the way out? Yeah, me neither . . .
Episode 37 - TAINT My Wagon
It's not a given that every time you step on stage the show will go off just as you rehearsed, and without a hitch. Of course, just because things aren't perfect is no reason to tuck your tail between your legs and hide. This week JW relates the particulars of a recent show compared to a show from years ago that both didn't go so great, and how he reacted then versus now after allowing time, experience, and self-growth to inform his perception. Bombing sucks, but don't let yourself go down with the ship.
Episode 36 - No One Thinks You're Funny
This week I recount my long weekend, and the festering sunburn I received for my troubles. Of course you all know I like to party, but sometimes it can get away from even me as evidenced in this story. Remember, just because something seems funny on paper, doesn't mean it still will be when you pour it down somebody's shirt.
Episode 35 - I Am Just A Man . . . And So Are You
They say don't meet your heroes, and I agree in most cases. This week I talk about realizing the importance of being present in the moment, and the impact these type of interactions can have on both sides. I also discuss how we're all just people trying our hardest to do our own thing and be happy, and if you have the tools or knowledge to offer help to someone who asks you should. Within reason, of course . . .
Episode 34 - Hey, We're Ripping You Off!
This week turns into a rant-a-sode in which the devaluing of art and the flippancy with which it occurs pushes all the right buttons to get your pal JW nice and fired up. Plus, a tale from the early days of Letters to Voltron in which a lesson on scamming is learned.
Episode 33 - Rest In Power BooTown
Nothing lasts forever in the cold November rain . . . and sadly BooTown has come to an end. Grown Up Story Time and Neo-Benshi will go on as separate entities, but the flag of the Unihorned Centaur will no longer fly above them. This week I tell the story of how I came to be involved with BooTown, and how important it will forever be to me.
Episode 32 - Livin' in a Hateful World . . .
I'm back fresh from Days of the Dead in Atlanta where I shared a table with two very delightful gentlemen: David W. Barbee and Mike Lombardo, and this week's story is about that very trip. What a time was had in which I learned many things, gained new perspective on art and life, and turned into a big softy when it came to kids and reading. I hope you enjoy listening to these adventures as much as we did having them. In sadder new, we really miss our Uncle Charles . . .
Episode 31 - Mom, What Happened?
This special episode features the first ever guest on John Wayne Lied to You: my very own Mother. I decided to go to the source on this one and get both sides of the story this week. In high school I gave the ultimate push back on some teachers who thought they knew what was 'best for me'. Well, nobody puts John Wayne in the corner . . . they just make him sit out in the hall.
Episode 30 - We're All Rejects
Anytime you put yourself out there you face the possibility of rejection especially if you're creating something. This week is the two year anniversary of my first book, The Porn Star Retirement Plan, so I wanted to talk about the rejections and limbo I went through before having it published a well as few other tales of rejection I've faced in this writer's life I live.
Episode 29 - Golden Guacamole
I've been playing in bands for twenty years, and while the perks have been great there's nothing like the privilege of an 'All Access Artists Pass' to really ruin you for normal life. This week's story follows Kris Jett and myself of johnwayneisdead on an all access adventure through Houston's Free Press Summer Fest courtesy of Jack White and his magic guacamole recipe.
Epiosode 28 - SuperUnboned
When a celebrity dies it seems like everyone in the world needs to weigh in via social media making a spectacle of who can cry the loudest thereby taking attention off the death of the person, and putting it onto themselves by expressing to how much that person meant to them. This week's story isn't about a dead celebrity though. It's about a girl, music, and the experiences in life that stick it in, break it off, and build some character along the way.
Episode 27 - That Bitch Tried to Poison Me!
What a time it is to be on tour! This week I recount a tale from johnwayneisdead's first long-ish tour in which we break a cardinal rule, and get a little too tipsy on the first night out. Our one-time road manager, Bobo, tries his luck with the ladies, and I maintain to this day I was actually poisoned by one of those very ladies.
Episode 26 - The Best Worst Christmas Ever
The spirit of the holiday season should not be something relegated to only a few short weeks. We should be trying to help each other out at all times regardless of what the calendar says, or how many poinsettias we happen to be surrounded by. It took me a pot of soggy wieners and a good friend to realize this myself. What a time for the Holidaze!