Shakespeare has never been my favorite, but I tried to convince myself I liked him back in high school when I was a 'serious actor'. Thanks to some lazy costumer I was forced to take the stage in only tights at a time in my life when I lacked the balls, metaphorically and physically, with which to do so. But, the show must go on!
Episode 54 - The Golden Pu$$y
Bachelor parties are great! Friends are great! But chanting, chanting is awesome. This episode is about chanting. Oh, and the story of Kris Jett and the magical, floating, mystery bachelor party.
Episode 53 - Hey Baby! Can I Have Your Insurance Information?
As you know, distractions come in all forms. If you are able to successfully navigate those distractions you are more likely to succeed. Or, you can make an unprotected left turn while checking out a girl's ass without looking at all for oncoming traffic, which is a form of success on its own. Good Luck I say. Good LUCK!
Episode 52 - Happy Birthday! Now, Who Lives Here?
Holy shit the show is one year old! To celebrate I keep it tried and true, and stick to what works with a story about another momentous birthday, my 21st. I think the take away here is cops hate paperwork.
Episode 51 - Hey Daddy-O, Have a Day!
When someone falls down it's funny. It just is, and don't try to tell me otherwise. When it happens to be your father who falls down, well that's just downright hilarious! To celebrate all the fathers falling down to keep us amused I tell a tale this week of my own dear old dad, and his penchant for funny falls.
Episode 50 - Printers Row Recap, Wieners.
I just got back from my first time at Printers Row in Chicago and what a time it was! In this episode I recap the experience of selling books in the rain along with all the salacious details from the weekend. Have you ever been to a Korean spa? I have now . . .
Episode 49 - Hey Man, Art is Not Your Bitch
So, this past weekend I had a pretty gnarly experience with some audience members at a solo acoustic show I played. Of course, you know your old Uncle Johnny couldn't wait to purge the thoughts on the experience into the microphone for you lovely people. I encourage performers to listen to this, and give feedback on how you would handle this kind of situation. Just for the record, I regret nothing!
Episode 48 - Pinecone Grenades and Why I Hate Axl Rose
It's been well documented that I am a lover, and most certainly not a fighter. I did, however, engage in one single momentous fight while in elementary school. This is the story of that fight, and a Guns and Roses poster.
Episode 47 - My Adventures at Days of the Dead Charlotte 2018
I'm back fresh from thirty plus hours of driving to Charlotte and back so I could let people know the good news about . . . well, about myself! In this episode I recount the adventures along with the experiences, and the new things I learned from this con.
Episode 46 - Forest for the Pubes
This week I talk about how the best calendar ever set me on a wondrous journey through life, La Bamba, and boobs. Mind the hair pie, it's time for another first!
Episode 45 - Grandmothered to the Mob
This week I tell a tale of my dear, sweet grandmother and how she loved to pass the time by playing the number. What's 'playing the number' you ask? Well, you'll have to listen to find out. Just make sure you keep it in the family.
Episode 44 - This Bud's Tattoo!
This week I tell a tale of a mystical, red-bearded weirdo who had the first tattoo I'd ever seen. After this experience my life was put on a course that would lead to hours and hours under a needle jamming ink into my skin.
Episode 43 - Confessions of a Scaredy-Cat
I love horror, but when I was a kid it scared the bejezzus out of me! I was afraid of anything the least bit related to monsters or evil, and now I can't get enough of the stuff. Love that evil! Anyway, I started thinking about the origins of this fear and tried to figure it all out in this week's story. Hail Satan!
Episode 42 - You're Not a Sheriff!
And you never will be with that attitude! We've all pissed our pants, but has someone else pissed your pants? Is it possible you just poured sewer water down your pants before going to bed? Have you ever jumped in the pool with your jeans on? Call out the Sheriff, because we've got some piss related mysteries that need to be solved!
Episode 41 - The Retainer (Sparkle, Sparkle)
I was a theater kid who participated in those long and lovely, time suck events of most weekends called Speech Tournaments. At one such tournament I was accused of skirting the rules set in place for me regarding my recent ear piercing, which resulted in my expulsion from said tournament. One of the many times I actually didn't do what I was suspected of, and therefore lost my mind over it. Enjoy!
Episode 40 - The Day I Used Up All My White Privilege
So, I narrowly avoided complete disaster yet again, but this time the reason wasn't so easily explained away. Find out my theories on just why I didn't get arrested that fateful night, and learn what you should more than likely avoid doing in your car if your sticker is expired.
Episode 39 - Zipper Meat
Since the dawn of time man has fought against a mortal enemy: The Zipper. Since we became civilized as a people we have overlooked our differences, and lived side by side with The Zipper (literally) save for a small group who went the way of the button fly, and an even smaller group who wear sweatpants exclusively. Despite this truce we've had with The Zippers they occasionally revert back to their old ways and attack reinvigorating the rivalry once again.
Episode 38 - What Do You Really Do?
You know when you get kidnapped by a limo that takes you to a bar at the beach while pouring beer down your throat, and then you take your shirt off, and after that the limo takes you a strip club where you become enamored with a stripper, and invent an entire back story for her in which she writes poetry and studies literature, and then you accidentally proposition her on the way out? Yeah, me neither . . .
Episode 37 - TAINT My Wagon
It's not a given that every time you step on stage the show will go off just as you rehearsed, and without a hitch. Of course, just because things aren't perfect is no reason to tuck your tail between your legs and hide. This week JW relates the particulars of a recent show compared to a show from years ago that both didn't go so great, and how he reacted then versus now after allowing time, experience, and self-growth to inform his perception. Bombing sucks, but don't let yourself go down with the ship.
Episode 36 - No One Thinks You're Funny
This week I recount my long weekend, and the festering sunburn I received for my troubles. Of course you all know I like to party, but sometimes it can get away from even me as evidenced in this story. Remember, just because something seems funny on paper, doesn't mean it still will be when you pour it down somebody's shirt.